Fail.

Alright, so I know I haven't written in awhile but I have just been so darn busy and right now my head is about ready to explode unfortunately...

So, the title of this is Fail. It is this way because this week I had 3 exams and I had to get the strength and stamina every day for all three exams and all three days, including today. I was so excited that today would be my last day of exams, but I am sitting here crying. I feel aweful and such a failure at so many things right now.

I realize I am blowing things out of proportion right now, but right now I just need to vent and get it out in the open somewhere. This way if anyone is reading this, they can stop as opposed to my fear of being rejected from them. Anyways, I am a hot mess.

I just can't seem to get motivated to study for anything unless someone is with me, but I don't want to ask for help because that makes me feel stupid and like I am annoying other people. There are two specific classes that I need for both of my majors and right now I am failing both of them....the nice thing about only reading this blog is that you can't tell that I am painfully crying right now...anyways, I do not know what to do, I do not want to stay for an extra semester or two. I want to graduate in May 2012....so what do I do? I need psychology as my major and that is the major I am doing the worst in, but I love dance too much to put it as a minor...I have more of a chance passing for my dance major than psychology.

What if I fail both? Do I just undeclare and put both down for a minor? What I would do with that in life? I would have two minors with excessive credits that could make it a major, but that means what would I get my B.A. degree in? Like nothing! Fantastic! I suck at my life right now, I really want to blame my family for all of this because my family feels so dysfunctional and I can't help but worry about them. Ever since my secomd semester freshman year my GPA has been crap...

But I can't blame my family or myself for caring too much, it's just how I am. I can only blame myself, it is truly and utterly my fault, I thought I could do it and I guess I can't. I don't why I thought I could do it, but I can't....I simply can't...

Lord,
please hear me, I know you can't give us anything we can't handle, but I can't this....I can't, it's too much. Please take it away...please? I am tired Lord, I am so tired...exhausted....drained...I have never felt so exhausted and such like a failure in my life. Please....please....please....please Lord...please...